Sounds Like The End

How can it be
it’s not like me
it’s the way i think
thinking i can see
what others don’t
and that i need
to help lead
them to the light
where i feel right
but i can’t understand
in this far off land
where all the strife
is only in my head

I wish they were a book
I could sit down and read
but the words don’t matter
when you look at me
in the eye
sayin’ you don’t lie
but now you’ve gone to cry
cause you can’t see me

i’m leading to the light
where it’s alright
and i can understand
my right hand man
as he does to me
what i so need
to feel inside
that i can hide
from nothing

I sprint through life cuffing
my emotions
keeping them at bay
otherwise some day
flyin’ around
above you all
i’ll be bitter
for the things we said
and all i really want from you
is to remember me
as the guy who tried to lead

the perfect life
doing what he thinks is right
but didn’t understand
in this far off land
that everyone can see
he tries too hard
and isn’t happy
but there he stays
trying to lead
and the world doesn’t care
and life ain’t fair

So if the world don’t care
why do you
walking around
trying to be cool
looking like a fool
but all they say
is you’re not there
but maybe some day
you’ll understand
that life ain’t fair
and no one’s innocent.

Today begins the day where I start life over.  I have not yet accepted that this pain will be forever, but I know I must relearn how to live.

I must learn to transition from a life with pain, to a life (just with pain).

In this case, the word just is ok, because the objective is to minimize the impact of the pain, not to minimize the pain completely.

I believe this is my test.  A life-long test.  A test that reminds me that I do not control everything that can happen to me, but that struggle in-and-of itself is the reward.

This spoke of my scoliosis, at the point at which the pain I was enduring had me limping.  I was eating Ibuprofen at more than 2400mg a day (for over a year) just to function.  Today I take no pills.  Today I am in no noticeable pain (most of the time).  It was shortly after this that I stopped taking Ibuprofen (cold turkey), and my therapies finally started to provide lasting relief.

Never fall into the trap of thinking you know better, and judging critically.

Elitism is a bath to burnt bridges.

Also, never get a tattoo.

The hardest thing in the world is to acknowledge that the only person who can push us to become our greatest is ourselves.  Other people may help us find the motivation along the way, but it is important to remember who makes the decision to take the first step, and who makes the decision to follow through.  When you can acknowledge that you are the person responsible for your own fate, the help you receive becomes an important part of survival.

You realize that while we are molded by the people we surround ourselves with, we are the ones that made the decision to listen to them.

Today I have 3 tattoos, and think this is a hilarious entry.  I also think 20 year old me was more enlightened than the now 25 year old me.