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It’s 2pm. You’re sitting in a meeting with your boss, his boss, his boss’ boss, and his boss’ boss’ boss. Powerpoint slides are whizzing by at the speed of molasses riding a snail in the winter. The five hour energy you just drank has given you jitters but has done nothing to prevent your head from slamming into the table. You think to yourself, “why can’t we have napping pods like at google, those are bad f***ing ass.” If only your boss understood the value of sweet, sweet catnaps.

I had a particularly interesting time learning about how employers believe our days should be consecutively productive, because the military is often blind to common sense. In the new-age military, the average middle-manager is more concerned with “professionalism” and how they are “perceived” than he/she is with their worker’s mental health, or even something as simple accomplishing anything worthwhile. What’s more, the powers that be have dictated sleeping in uniform is forbidden. Some of the hardest working and heavily stressed people in the nation, our soldiers and sailors, are being asked to fight against their body’s natural biphasic sleep cycle every day.

That’s right, according to sleepfoundation.org1, “Humans are part of the minority of monophasic sleepers, meaning that our days are divided into two distinct periods, one for sleep and one for wakefulness. It is not clear that this is the natural sleep pattern of humans.” They even quotes a study in which NASA astronauts and military pilots “ improved performance by 34% and alertness 100%” after a 40 minute nap. If naps are so effective at improving performance for the most dangerous jobs on earth, why aren’t we mandating that everyone nap?

Have you ever seen those 5-Hour Energy commercials, where the post-lunch crash is highlighted as the problem? If you found yourself relating to the plight of those actors, I welcome you to the group of socio-normative people who are convinced they must fight against nature. Ask yourself a question: “When have we ever fought nature and won?” I charge you to join the fight for glorious catnaps, and sign my petition at for an institutional siesta. If not for you, the do it for the soldiers and sailors out there fighting for a Google employee’s right to nap in super-expensive high-tech napping pods2 .

Uncle Sam wants YOU… to nap!


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